Years ago, I taught debate at a secondary school. The students were great and they warmed up to me very quickly. Within a few weeks, they were asking me this question:
“Coach, will you come for bubble tea with us?”
At first, I was shocked. Weren’t there any boundaries at all? It wasn’t that they were rude — they were so friendly and still are — but I wondered if I would say something wrong that would make them think less of me or that I was a lousy coach or something like that. There was supposed to be a kind of professional distance and I was navigating it the best way I knew how. But they persisted, partly because they wondered what kind of lives teachers led, and eventually, I relented.
Getting bubble tea with the debaters consisted of crossing the road opposite their school and walking towards grassy fields that led them to what passed for a neighbourhood mall. There, they would buy bubble tea and drink it, hanging out for a while. The friends would cluster together and talk, and I was glad that they actually trusted me enough to be themselves in front of me. Some of the debaters, while waiting for their order, would ask me questions about debate, but mostly it was about life and they got to know me. It was pretty apparent that everyone did this, and when I asked why, they said that it was because they didn’t want to go home. I didn’t order bubble tea most of the time, but when I did, once, it was a miracle and everyone got excited as to what I would order. At that point in time, I thought I had gone off the bubble tea bandwagon a bit and wasn’t terribly excited about it anymore, but eh, these kids were.
I think a lot of them used how long we trained as an excuse to go back late, and during competition weeks, when we trained every day, they would stay back. After tournaments, when the bus dropped them off at school, they would head to McDonald’s with me and chat till late. Once, I got a call from a debater’s older brother asking when his younger brother was coming home. (If you read this, you know who you are. Haha.) I think I always knew that I was responsible for them; when I got that call, it really hit me.
As I got to know them, I kept asking them why they didn’t want to go home. On hindsight, I shouldn’t have. Maybe it was asking them to reveal too much about their own personal problems at home, but whatever it was, staying back after training and debate competition was what they needed. Sometimes, they would come to me for advice and that was enough.
Years later, I think I understand why. Even if my students didn’t confide their deepest, personal problems to me, especially about what was going on at home, going for bubble tea and Mc Donald’s after training and competitions was what they needed. Debate was a bubble that they could escape into and be in a world where they were needed. I think I finally understand that now. Even if they were struggling to figure out their parents or problems at home, there was always time to treat yourself and find comfort in what they liked — in this case, it was a single beverage.
So now I tell myself that if a student wants to chat or hang out after class, I will welcome them. It will give them solace, even though there isn’t really bubble tea in the classroom (unless I’m buying).