I am taking a break from this regularly scheduled programming to talk about this phrase, which I keep seeing so often. I get it. People want to be happy. We relentlesssly pursue happiness according to what other people define for us. Some people think it’s a high-paying job and being able to buy whatever they want. Some people think it comes with marriage and family. Some people think it’s a plan ticket in their hands. Blablabla. We know the drill.
But lately, I see this phrase popping up over and over. Honestly, it is one of the most toxic, unhelpful things to say. Here is why:
It implies that we cannot be sad. This phrase attempts to erase any kind of sadness that exists. This is because this phrase is often used to shut people out when they are feeling depressed, especially in social situations.
A: Hey, I need to tell you about this problem I have–
B: Why be sad? Good vibes only!
If only it were so simple. With these three words, someone’s experience is minimised and invalidated, all because someone is not willing to be empathetic and listen. One cannot control when one is happy is sad. It happens. It is far better and healthier to acknowledge one’s sadness rather than erase it and pretend it does not exist.
On some level, it also blames the person for being sad. This tuning out implies that one should be grateful and happy with what one has. As one of my friends put it, it is difficult to be grateful and happy especially when your problems loom large in front of you. It puts so much pressure on us to be happy all the time when life has ups and downs.
I think that we are so obsessed with being happy so much that we hide being sad. There is a stigma around being sad and being depressed, especially when depression is a mental illness that will not go away. And honestly, we’re all better off acknowledging the myriad feelings we feel rather than pretend to be happy, which is exhausting. Acknowledging and empathising with someone who is sad enables them to get up rather than isolate them, and that should be the way to go if we want to be emotionally healthier individuals.
Good Featured image by swanksalot